A Fine Day

from by Simon Panrucker

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lyrics

I open the curtains I've got no shirt on and no underwear,
Barely woken up it's fairly early from what I'm aware of,
My hair's messed up and my eyes are nearly shut, (tut tut)
I tut twice because the bin men haven't turned up,
I burn up vexed, and hex them and their nephews,
'Cause it's the third week in a row that they've refused to take my refuse,
It's pretty chilly here at the window,
There's a bunch of people pointing at me standing by the bins,

Oh no! I'm feeling silly, it's very chilly,
The bin men have arrived and they're all laughing at my willy,
Oh no! I'm feeling silly, it's really very chilly,
The bin men have arrived and they're all laughing at my willy,

Later in the day I go to Sainsbury's for a shop,
I haven't eaten so I'm beaten by the bargains and I can't stop,
Placing every item in my basket as I'm pacing past it,
Heavy and ready to spill, but still I add more,
My arm's sore, it gives way and the food sprays on the floor,
The sound is too loud for the surrounding crowd to ignore
And from a distance the shop assistant's face falls,
He prowls over frowning and scowling like he can taste balls,
He rolls his eyes and crouches down to get the food,
It was an accident man, what's with this arsey attitude?
I decide to show him my arse's attitude instead,
I bend down and then I start to fart on his head...

I don't know what to do, it seems I've followed through,
I did a diarrhea and I covered him with poo,
I don't know what to do, it seems I've followed through,
I did a diarrhea and I covered him in poo,

I don't hang around to see if he found my joke funny,
Cause it's the way you tell 'em that counts, and I told it all runny,
Racing through the aisles, skid marks in my wake,
The tell tell smell advertises my mistake,
There's a cue for the toilets, but I'm already too late,
These chaps crap politely but I make poo lakes
In public, on a person, could the situation worsen?
Maybe I should lie in the car park and get reversed onto,
I run through town trousers brown and dripping,
My shoes get wet too, and soon I get to slipping,

And I trip on a lace, fly through the air with grace,
I flail onto a railing, it impales me in the face,
I trip on a lace, fly through the air with grace
I flail onto a railing, it impales me in the face,

My eyes water but I guess it ought to feel sore
To have a spike sticking right through my lower jaw,
I try and shout for help but it's difficult to speak
With a massive bit of metal poking out of my cheek,
My feet stamp, my fists clench, I feel a bit tense,
With my face tear streaked, pierced by a flipping fence,
A slack jawed audience has gathered round to watch,
As a stray dog trots up and sniffs around my crotch,
I try to shoo it off, but my eyes are out of whack,
And I hit the bitch upside the head with quite a mighty smack,
It flips out and bites tight, rips up my jeans,
Tears my underwear to share my ballsack and my peen,

And now I'm feeling silly,
It's very chilly,
The binmen have arrived and they're all laughing at my willy
Oh no! I'm feeling silly,
It's really very chilly,
The binmen have arrived and they're all laughing at my willy.

Oh it's a fine day,
A fine day,
It's a very fine day to be alive.

credits

from Smells Like Rap, released October 21, 2009

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about

Simon Panrucker Bristol, UK

When not writing songs for Cartoon Network's Clarence, Simon explodes novelty rap and turbo pop from his funglands for the absolute pleasure or total dismay of all and sundry.

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