Hello I’m a werewolf
Didn’t mean to scare you
It’s just I’m having trouble finding
Someone to prepare food
Fit for a furry fellow feeling fairly fussy
Coz many edibles make my delicate belly puffy

I’ve been to the doctor but lost at the start
Coz he tried to prescribe me a silver bullet to the heart
That’s the last time I go private... I’m annoyed
Coz I can’t attack a snack that I can actually enjoy

I don’t eat humans
I don’t eat cats
I don’t eat this and I won’t eat that
I don’t eat anything that isn’t fair trade
Hand made, with egg free mayonnaise

I will drink bat milk if it’s made from peas
I’ll eat the body of christ if it's gluten free
I like oatcake mimosas, a cheeky blend
But I won’t eat soya coz of the oestrogen

I don’t feel great, my tummy aches
It’s been a long time since I last ate
I’ve got specific dietary needs

I don’t eat meat, respectfully
Do you know if this was produced ethically
I’m worried I might die before I eat

[AS HUMAN]

But when I am a human, I eat what I like
Make it dripping with grease please, and pile it high
Big mac, mac n cheese,
Double big king
In a KFC bucket with an albatross wing

Raw slabs of beef, it’s a meat sensation
I like it better if it leads to deforestation
I eat crustaceans if they’re dripping with cheese
I drink palm oil pepsi, I hate chimpanzees

I like stacks of chicks fried alive and dipped
In mayonnaise from their unborn brother and sister
I’m mister fancy when I eat giraffe
I eat protected species but just for a laugh

I climb into the carcass to eat my spuds
And wash it down with a nice fresh pint of blood
I feel gassy, fetch me a pasty
I eat what I like and I like it nasty

[AS WEREWOLF]

But my body is a temple
I treat it with respect
And respect the life of everything that hasn’t died yet

I’d only eat fruit that's fallen from its own weight
If I wasn’t so concerned about the sugar intake

I eat field mushrooms that are foraged by a mouse
That’s allowed to live with all its friends inside an eco house

And it’s been a fair while since I’ve had an avocado
Coz of air miles

I don’t feel great, my tummy aches
It’s been a long time since I last ate
I’ve got specific dietary needs

I don’t eat meat, respectfully
Do you know if this was produced ethically
I’m worried I might die before I eat

[AS HUMAN]

Get a squid and shove it up a duck
Deep fry it and chuck it in a vat of kebab meat and bring it to me NOW!
And get me a napkin, I’m not an animal.