I'm David Attenborough at another shoot,
There's big cats and parrot chatter and adders and fruit bats,
The truth matters but dramaticism matters more,
Get things interesting lest the audience is getting bored,
Wahoo! I adore this, I've seen more fish than most,
And won a host of awards,
It's a fine time having a job knobbing around in khaki shorts,
Pitch a tent in them when I'm thinking a nasty thought,
I get it caught on tape by mistake,
Come on team, we've not been hours awake
to get a close up of my trouser snake!
Nuh uh, point the lens back down on the ground,
I've found a small lizard, a green little wizard,
Must be a magician coz he lives in a blizzard of sand,
And survives, these animals' lives are fascinating,
And that's great coz we're making,
I crouch down to speak about insects,
Inspect these bees to see if they're in sexual activity,
Got no diggity, they love being filmed when they're getting all jiggity,
But what's this, a boy bee on a boy bee?
Well that's cool, I guess it doesn't really annoy me,
But I'll be damned, the thought of two bees bumming...
Uh oh, I think I feel a trouser tent coming!
Let's move on quick and take a trip to the jungle,
It's so hot here - sweat's dripping out my bung hole,
Get me a hanky and give it a wipe,
This animal life is tripe when your back pipe's ripe for mopping,
No stopping me getting nomineed to be on the Beeb yapping on at thee, I'm an anomaly,
I'm rocking 83, there's no hating me,
I'm a loveable old man with fans chasing me,
And they'll be placing me in a glass case when
My heart's pace slows to standstill,
Join the animal landfill at the natural history museum,
The exhibit to visit in this enormous mausoleum,
By the mating birds in a pose of glee,
With two thumbs up and a bulge in my khakis,
And the card reads "Brit of the century.
He spent his life as it was meant to spent, making..."