Hello My Name Is Simon Panrucker

by Simon Panrucker

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1.
01:01
Oh my god Simon Panrucker Oh my god oh my god oh my oh oh oh my god god god god Oh my god god oh oh oh my god Simon Pa... Simon Pa... Simon Panrucker Panrucker Pa... Panrucker P-P-P-P-P-P-P Panruckeeeeeeerrrrrr
2.
S-I-M-O-N to the P To the A-N-R-U-C-K-E to the R Have you got it so far? My name's Simon Panrucker First comes Simon then a space, then Panrucker pops up in the next place Best make haste to commit to memory The bits of info I'll give you readily: My first name starts with an S it's Si-mon! Si-mon! My second name starts with a big fat P it's Panrucker! Panrucker! Panrucker! Panrucker! My first name ain't Sue or Sam it's Si-mon! Si-mon! And my last name ain't Panrocker it's Panrucker! Panrucker! Panrucker! Panrucker! Let me break it down with an acronym We'll start at the beginning and crack the thing S is for Super, coz I've got power I is for Intelligible bluhblahbluhbluhblaaoouueerrr M is for Majestic like a pegasus O is for Old Skool - I'm Sega Genesis N is for Naaa na na na na na naaaaa na na na na na naaa na na na na na naaaaa P is for Perfect A is for Awesome N is for Naaa na na naaa like before, son, R is for Renegade U is Unstoppable C is for Cooler than an iced beer bottle and K is for kna kna kna knaaaa - IT'S SILENT! E is for Elegant - pretty like a diamond R is for rules coz I get them made Then I break em to bits coz it still stands for Renegade S.P. Simon Panrucker, that's me S.P. Simon Panrucker, that's me Simon Panrucker! Simon Panrucker! Hello my name is Simon Panrucker! Simon Panrucker! Simon Panrucker! Hello my name is Simon Panrucker! Other Simons just act amateur May just damage ya ramming in a clamour to Be the biggest fan of the one true man of the First name Simon last name Panrucker I don't know if I told you my name I'll probably play it safe and maybe say it again I've just got one, don't you call me no other Coz my name is Simon Panrucker S.P. Simon Panrucker, that's me
3.
02:55
I woke up in the morning and the sun broke through The opened curtains, the birds sang too And they said: "This is a day to celebrate and savour The fruit you favour" So I said OK then What is the best way to taste the fresh flavours That make the basis of my sacred playlist of the Fruit selection, I'm a fruit selecta Bully for me coz all the fruit's delectable I'm suggestible - I can't decide, birds Who should be the first fruit I put on the inside, Of my tummy, it's all yummy so what Should I do to choose who's the first fruit to chew? And they said: "The greatest way to make the flavours flow forth Is to cut it all up to make a fruit salad Baby you can play with combinations of course But you cut it all up to a make a fruit salad" So I got to picking all the finger lickin plums And peaches, each one in reach is delicious Teach the leaches to reap the sweetness From nectarine blood the nectar runs clean, A tangerine plucked, or a huckleberry A pair of fat pears or an apple or three Or four fresh figs, wait, 8 elderberries Damn, son, damsons, we'll shake all the trees Then you're chop chop chop chop chop chop Chopping it up and don't stop till you're stocking it up To the top of the bowl, to make a whole fruit salad I'm enamoured with salad with a fully fruit balance Hello I'm a tomato, can I join the party? I'm a fruit too but nobody has asked me I would like to be with some different company Instead of the lettuce leaves, cucumber and parsely So please can I try? I'm a pretty sweet guy I've got seeds inside so it really does apply I'm a fruit! It's the truth! And I'm colourful to boot So can I come and have some fun with other fun fruits? Listen I just think it's best if you stick with the lettuce Well done for suggesting, there's no need to regret this But you're used in sauces in savoury courses So of course it's too awkward and you can't come I'm a pineapple, I don't want that guy to come in my bowl He's too reliable, I'm spiky like a triangle He looks like a circle, but really he's a square I don't want to be hurtful but keep him outta here YEAH FRUIT! EAT FRUIT! "The greatest way to make the flavours flow forth Is to cut it all up to make a fruit salad Baby you can play with combinations of course But you cut it all up to a make a fruit salad" Then you're chop chop chop chop chop chop Chopping it up and don't stop till you're stocking it up To the top of the bowl, to make a whole fruit salad I'm enamoured with salad with a fully fruit balance
4.
Yeah, I was huggin' a tree When a lady at the zoo was amused by me I said hey girl, you think I'm cute to see? You're cute too, so come and get yourself introduced to me She got closer, I said listen You look like your life's good but one thing's missing: It's me. I might be the wrong species But love accommodates for many different niches So don't let it trouble ya I may be an animal but I'm a fanatical cuddler She wanted a snuggle, I told her I'd love to I said I'd climb down then I'd come and climb up her I wanna ride up on your back like a rucksack What's that? You like my tummy, wanna touch that? Tickle it, my fur's soft come and jiggle it I'll wrap my paws round till you're in the thick of it I wanna squeeze you nice and tight Then hug a little harder And love you like koalas do I wanna snooze in the sunlight Then nap a little harder I wanna hug you like koalas do [I love you koala] Don't be taking pictures, of the platypus, cause You will need your wrists for hugging me to bits What flavour are your lips cause, I don't want to risk A lick if they are anything other than eucalyptus Yeah but let me give you a hug I wanna show you some love And nuzzle up in your bust I may be a marsupial, but girl you're beautiful It doesn't matter that our genes are unsuitable I'm not a bear but I wanna get bare with you Yeah I wanna get bare with you Whoa there, I don't wanna go there with you I mean I've got bare hugs I wanna share with you So snuggle up, cuddle bug, I'm done wooing It's hot let's drop off in the dust me and you in it Together, we'll sleep don't speak, don't ruin it Stroke me, softly and just keep doing it As I squeeze you nice and tight Then hug a little harder And love you like koalas do I wanna snooze in the sunlight Then nap a little harder I wanna hug you like koalas do
5.
02:27
I'm just standing here waiting at the bus stop But the bus hasn't come yet, I wonder what's up I don't wanna wait here all day I want the bus to come and take me away I've been here for fifteen minutes I just wanna get my one way ticket Where am I going? You know I don't know I guess I'll go where the bus driver goes YEAH [Instrumental break] Where am I going? You know I don't know I guess I'll go where the bus driver goes OH YEAH OH YEAH I'm waiting at the bus stop!
6.
I was born with a silver spoon in every orifice Breast fed by the best breasts my oesophagus wails Seconds split and I'm sucking on the nip Of a well bred babe with a stiff upper lip Coz I bite when I'm teething, pleased to be teasing The milk of a model fed silk tray daily Mother won't play but the nurse is available Hat drop snack stop her baps are incredible And my cot's got a solid gold frame With a headboard shaped like a lion's mane And my dummy is a diamond shame I keep dropping it Drains get the plop of it but I just get another one Coz I was born as the son of one Queen But she died in child birth so now I'm on the scene As the miniature monarch and I just wanna have a wee Coz I'm sitting on the throne and I'm only three It's been an hour, now I need a power sleep Get Shakespeare here to read aloud to me And stop offering to rule while I nap please You're only in charge of changing my nappies I want a tiger to ride inside the halls Bear cubs clubbed for their hide and balls To make a cape and a necklace, I'm reckless fools I'm a tyrannical toddler, I make the rules, yeah! I've got sovereigns, dribbling offa me Snotty snout, rattle out, lower lip wobbly If luxuries lack I just order things Yeah life's a corker when you're born a king, come on All you grovelling, snivelling minions Get your mitts offa my many millions They clamour for the crown when they've never worn the thing Coz life's a corker when you're born a king My advisor's a poohead, he's always saying That I'm too young to rule yet I should be playing And I should give him the hat that's a hassle on my head And let him run the country instead But I say: Shut up poopoo, you're a willy man With a poo for a tongue and the biggest bum in England I am the king and never might share It's my hat, my house, and my nice chair I'm scared of the dark so no more night Now everybody works from sundown to daylight And sleeps in the morning, just one more thing I'm making it illegal to be seen yawning I'll plunge you in a dungeon to stay there Til you're withered like a willow and you've got grey hair I'll visit you when I feel like some fun And kick you in the willy and stick chillies up your bum bum And if you've got a mum then you've got a problem Coz I haven't got one, so I'm gonna rob them Out of malice, and they'll all live in my palace With their bras off while I quaff pop from a chalice I'll shut my eyes as their lullabies soothe me Scuse me a minute while I suckle on their boobies I want a cloud made of candyfloss Don't say I can't coz I can, coz I am the boss Yeah! I've got sovereigns, dribbling offa me Snotty snout, rattle out, lower lip wobbly If luxuries lack I just order things Yeah life's a corker when you're born a king, come on All you grovelling, snivelling minions Get your mitts offa my many millions They clamour for the crown when they've never worn the thing Coz life's a corker when you're born a king I want a bike with a thousand wheels I want that weird looking man to be drowned with eels I want a cake made of icing with chocolate plates I want a beehive smashed in an elephant's face I want a lemonade lake and a soft play palace I want all the rats packed off Paris The king's will is final, it's undisputed So do it soon or you'll be executed!
7.
03:10
If I was a postman I'd never deliver If I was a vegan I'd feed on liver If I was a news reader I read with a smile Bad news in a good news style If I was a doctor I'd kill the patients If I was a druid I'd say 'Screw the ancients!' If I was best man I'd say commiserations mate Your wife's a pig, big mistake If I was a sprinter I'd walk the races If I was a flutist I'd buy double basses If I was an archivist I would erase this track And set all my hard drives to format If I was a pair of bellows I'd just suck If I was a lucky charm I'd be bad luck If I was an ebow, yo, I'd just pluck the strings I want slow notes but I get pings I'm conflicted Yeah yeah I'm conflicted No no Yeah I'm a sick kid a little bit twisted I spit on my biscuits coz I'm conflicted If I had rot I'd pull out the good tooth If I had wisdom I'd waste my whole youth If I had stairs I'd jump off the roof and Climb up the drain pipe at the same time If I had knees I'd land with straight legs If I had class I'd drink all your dregs If I had mates they'd be hated by me But I'd hang out with them constantly If I had a dog I'd walk the cat If I had a cake I'd eat a cow pat If I had a ball I'd throw the bat and shout "HOWZAT!" when I hear your cheekbone crack If I had pride I'd hang my head If I had bladder control I'd wet the bed If I had joie de vivre I'd wake the dead and Run around shouting "EAT ME!" til I got found I'm conflicted Yeah yeah I'm conflicted No no Yeah I'm a sick kid a little bit twisted I spit on my biscuits coz I'm conflicted If I was greedy I'd feed the poor If I was houseproud I'd wee the floor If I was brave I'd flee the war And then I'd be on tour saying I beat them raw If I was cynical I'd be naive If I was enormous I'd be tiny If I was Korean I'd be Chinese If I was B.I.G. I'd rep the Eastsieed, I'm conflicted Yeah yeah I'm conflicted No no Yeah I'm a sick kid a little bit twisted I spit on my biscuits coz I'm conflicted
8.
Salut, je m'appelle Jean Pierre You'll recognise me from Paris as if you've gone there Tanned skin, dark brown not blond hair I make the ladies tremble like I was a bomb scare Cigarette between lips Take a hit then a white wine sip I wear speedos when I take a dip And I eat French fries not chips Rolling around sur ma bicyclette With a garland of garlic around my neck Pullover patterned with stripes - not spotted and not chequed Never have a different hat: a beret's a safe bet I hate your guts Never make me rush I've got a lazy strut To make the ladies blush I hate your guts Never make me rush I've got a lazy strut To make the ladies blush [Kiss kiss] Always kiss both cheeks Go on holiday for 16 weeks I make sounds when I speak Like: Uhhhhhh… je ne sais pas Everybody in the audience Play on your accordions Everybody in the audience Play on your accordions Now Everybody dance Everybody let's dance let's dance [Comme quoi?] Like a man from France Like a man from France [Stereotypical] Everybody in the audience Play on your accordions Everybody in the audience Now Everybody dance Everybody let's dance let's dance [Comme quoi?] Like a man from France Like a man from France [Stereotypical] My moustache is paper thin Never have a bare head a beret's the thing As I lean upon the bar with a lazy grin Sippin' on a white wine it's my favourite drink D'accord [Kiss kiss] Always kiss both cheeks Go on holiday for 16 weeks I make sounds when I speak Like: 'Uhhhhhh… au revoir.'
9.
03:35
I'm a pretty kitty, Yah, I'm a pretty kitty I'm a pretty kitty I'm a pretty little kitty I'm a pretty kitty, Yah, I'm a pretty kitty I'm a pretty kitty Such a pretty little kitty I've got whiskers I've got ears, I've a fluffy little tail And my claws are fierce I've got whiskers I've got ears, I've a fluffy little tail And my claws are fierce I've a pretty pink nose And my fur's like silk So stop for a stroke Then fetch my milk I don't want skimmed And I don't want semi So get me the gold top Or don't get any, coz I'm a pretty kitty, Yah, I'm a pretty kitty I'm a pretty kitty I'm a pretty little kitty I'm a pretty kitty, Yah, I'm a pretty kitty I'm a pretty kitty Such a pretty little kitty I've got whiskers I've got ears, I've a fluffy little tail And my claws are fierce I've got whiskers I've got ears, Got a fluffy little tail And my claws are fierce But I don't like hunting I'm just too vain I might clip a claw, Or get a bloodstain But when I'm in a pout I have to let it out I get my toy Mäus I have a little pounce [Bam I'm a cat] And when I'm on the prowl I dress to the nine tails, pretty kitted out My crisp cat collar is Dolce Gabanna And just behind my ears a Swarovski tiara Pretty kitten mittens make walking harder But it's worth doing it to parade the Prada Consume caviar from a Dior dish Then snack on smoked salmon and a sliced swordfish My scratching post is a Louis Vuitton My kitty litter tray's an Yves Saint Laurent My poop scoop's new and it's true Versace My food's made fresh by Gordon Ramsey I have a pedicure til my claws look lush I lick catnip at the kitty cat club I prance and I dance and I strut my stuff I make new friends and I sniff their butts You're a pretty kitty You're a pretty kitty You're a pretty kitty You're a pretty little kitty Let's prance and dance and strut our stuff I make new friends and I sniff their butts
10.
03:10
Clench your fist And punch the air one time It's time to beat it up Clench your fist And punch the air one time It's time to beat it up Clench both fists And punch the air two times It's time to beat it up Clench both fists And punch the air two times It's time to beat it up Grit your teeth Clap your hands Everybody frown it's the angry dance Don't look happy Just look mad Have the worst time that you ever have had Raise your leg And stomp the ground one time It's time to shake it up Raise your leg And stomp the ground one time It's time to shake it up Raise both legs And stomp the ground two times It's time to shake it up Raise both legs And stomp the ground two times It's time to shake it up Grit your teeth Clap your hands Everybody frown it's the angry dance Don't look happy Just look mad Have the worst time that you ever have had Just frown Not happy and Don't clown Get clapping and Just get down Feet stamping and I know you want to You can do a little dance Like this Fill it full of gritty angst Like this Power stance, grip your hands Like this and I know you want to You can do a wobbly With a little bit of Sobbing do it properly Are your knuckles gripped tight? Coz they ought be Maybe you can holler I know you want to Pick your feet up off the floor Make em stamp until your Feet are feeling kinda raw Make a sound out of your gullet Like a dinosaur Pound the air with both your fists I know you want to When you're dancing the angry dance You can put all your anger inside your hands You can put all your beef deep inside your feet You can punch and stomp til you feel relief You can punch and stomp to the mealy beat You can punch and stomp til you need to eat You can punch and stomp to release the beast With a look on your face like you're eating bees Uarrrgghhh
11.
(free) 03:00
When the floor boards creak but there's nobody there I know I shouldn't care but I still get scared Or when the plumbing cools And it pops and cracks I'm like Uuuh whaaa what was that? I turn on the TV in a pitch black room The static on screen seems to beam my doom I stare at a window with no lights switched on For a mite too long I'm like right, now I'm frightened When I'm reaching in a deep dark cupboard, There's a cobweb in the corner but I'm like: not bothered But if something brushes the back of my neck I'm like ohh heck! I'm a shaky old wreck Moths flying at the light bulb that's fine They can do whatever they want on their own time But if they start flapping up in my face I'm like: Wing dust is a thing I must not taste Uhhh! I can't cope My neck's gone chilly Dry choke As my throat shrieks shrilly Don't joke Coz I know it seems silly But I've really really really really got the willies Shake hands with a clammy limp grip - eerrghh Old cold blancmange is like sick - eerrgh Scrape my finger on the edge of a page - errrghh Kiss lips with a lady of old age - eerrrghh When I blink at my reflection in the mirror And I think of something popping up behind me that's a winner For making me creeped out I leak out wee And when I'm swimming in the deep blue sea I look down and I can't see the bottom It's a feeling that I'd rather have forgotten I'm a pink speck floating on the top of an abyss If a sea beast eats me I wouldn't go amiss Or when I gaze into a clear night sky The coldness of the cosmos makes me wanna cry With fear, coz we're surrounded by a void And it wouldn't make a difference if the planet was destroyed I can't cope My neck's gone chilly Dry choke As my throat shrieks shrilly Don't joke Coz I know it seems silly But I've really really really really got the willies Yeah, willy, willy I've really got the willies Willy willy, willy willy willy Willy I've really got the willies Come on Willy willy Willy willy willy I've really got the willies Willy willy Willy willy willy willy I've really really really really really got the willies
12.
03:36
I feel a little bit emotional I feel a little bit emotional And If you ask sincerely how I feel I'll tell you the truth because the feeling's real I feel emotional Lemme express it with my keytar I feel a little bit emotional Yeah, wanna see me cry? Take a look at this teardrop as it eases from my eye I feel a little bit emotional Yeah, wanna see me weep? Take a look at this teardrop as it trickles down my cheek I'm emotional, unsociable Is the look on my face unapproachable? I opened all of my hope to y'all Feel like I had a few hearts and you broke 'em all So my teardrops can not be far Wanna see me fill three jars With salt water? I oughta explore this much more with my keytar I feel a little bit emotional I feel a little bit emotional And If you ask sincerely how I feel I'll tell you the truth because the feeling's real I feel emotional [Wailing]

credits

released November 5, 2014

All songs written, performed and produced by Simon Panrucker
Additional vocals on Intro and Emotional by Nuala Honan
Final mix with Ben Capp
Mastered by Shawn Joseph at Optimum Mastering
Artwork by wethreeclub
Photos by formimages.com

Incredible thanks to my family and friends for years of bodaciousness.
Super incredible thanks to Nuala Honan for magnitudes of advice and power.

To all my fans: don't forget not to not not believe in yourself never.

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Simon Panrucker Bristol, UK

When not writing songs for Cartoon Network's Clarence, Simon explodes novelty rap and turbo pop from his funglands for the absolute pleasure or total dismay of all and sundry.

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