SCARY

by Simon Panrucker

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1.
The Willies 03:00
When the floor board creaks but there's nobody there I know I shouldn't care but I still get scared Or when the plumbing cools And it pops and cracks I'm like Ooohh whoooaaa... what was that? I turn on the TV in a pitch black room The static on screen seems to beam my doom I stare at a window with no lights switched on For a mite too long I'm like right, now I'm frightened When I'm reaching in a deep dark cupboard, There's a cobweb in the corner but I'm like "not bothered" But if something brushes the back of my neck I'm like OH HECK - I'm a shaky old wreck Moths flying at the light bulb that's fine They can do whatever they want on their own time But if they start flapping all up in my face I'm like, "Wing dust is a thing I must not taste! Urrrgh!" I can't cope, my neck's gone chilly, Dry choke as my throat shrieks shrilly Don't joke coz I know it seems silly But I've really got the willies I can't cope, my neck's gone chilly, Dry choke as my throat shrieks shrilly Don't joke coz I know it seems silly But I've really really really really really got the willies Shake hands with a clammy limp grip Old cold blancmange is like sick Scrape my finger on the edge of a page Kiss lips with a lady of old age When I blink at my reflection in the mirror And I think of something popping up behind me that's a winner For making me creeped out I leak out wee And when I'm swimming in the deep blue sea I take a look down and I can't see the bottom It's a feeling that I'd rather have forgotten I'm a pink speck floating on the top of an abyss If a sea beast eats me I wouldn't go amiss Or when I gaze into a clear night sky The coldness of the cosmos makes me wanna cry With fear, coz we're surrounded by a void And it wouldn't make a difference if the planet was destroyed I can't cope, my neck's gone chilly, Dry choke as my throat shrieks shrilly Don't joke coz I know it seems silly But I've really got the willies I can't cope, my neck's gone chilly, Dry choke as my throat shrieks shrilly Don't joke coz I know it seems silly But I've really really really really really got the willies
2.
Yo turn the beat up higher I'm a fuckin' vampire Never tire at night, yo I'm a killer for hire Only payment I take is the necks I break Come out in the night time, BIG MISTAKE I got fangs, no fans I be suckin' on yo pituitary glands That's just for starters, I suck a bit harder Soon I be chewin' on yo medulla oblongata I got a terrible blood thirst and what's worse I'm cursed coz sunshine makes my blood burst Just kidding, or am I, you don't know Fact is I don't rest till the blood flow Half past four in the morning Grave warning, we be bringing the dawn in Gotta scarper, until it gets darker Black out the windows with a permanent marker YEAH I'm a Vampire - I only come out at night I remember one time I saw this girl in the moonlight She was real fine, skin like mint imperial But it could never be, coz I'm always hungry So I cry into my cape Oh you got me a mirror? Bad suggestion, I got no reflection Garlic for me? Are you crazy?! Don't you know I got the allergies? And you think I got a use for this? What the fuck would I do with a crucifix? But hey, I appreciate the gesture [Bend down, I want to whisper] OH PSYCH! I'm actually angry! Would you buy me a silk tie just to hang me? Well just try, I wouldn't do jack You knock me down and I bounce right back Coz I'm immortal, yeah, I'm meant to kill Unless I get staked in the ventricle I wish you would coz I'm lonely Understand me? I'm never happy and I won't be Coz nobody loves me I just want someone to share infinity And tell me could you love me? For the rest of time would you be mine? And do you feel me? Would you like to be in close vicinity With a dead body? I'm not much use around the house I'm a Vampire - I only come out at night I remember one time I saw this girl in the moonlight She was real fine, skin like mint imperial But it could never be, coz I'm always hungry So I cry into my cape
3.
[Matthews] I'm not afraid of the dark no more I'm brave enough to sleep with the hallway light off I'm not scared, it's not scary The dark should be afraid of me When I was smaller I'd be terrified Of everything that bumped in the night and made a sound It could be goblins, it could be fairies That will take all of your teeth and replace them with a pound Or scary clowns that make bad jokes And stare you down till you laugh and hope They'll go away But they just stay It could be vikings or even trifle That will move all on its own as it wobbles fro and to It could be homework stacked up higher than Another pile of homework that I don't want to do Or bright green goo that bounces round But Robin Williams can't be found To calm it down It makes me frown But Flubber's just a film, it's not real So I'm not afraid of the dark no more I'm brave enough to sleep with the hallway light off I'm not scared, it's not scary The dark should be afraid of me Simon are you afraid of the dark? [Panrucker] I used to be, yeah! [Matthews] Can you tell me about it? [Panrucker] When I was smaller I would listen to The sound of dinner jazz playing on my radio To calm my mind from working overdrive Imagining the monsters hidden down below And when I had to take a wee I'd pass the staircase speedily So I did not spy what the darkness hides [Matthew] Oh my goodness, what was it? [Panrucker] But now I realise it's not real [Matthew] Oh phew! [Panrucker] So I'm not afraid of the dark no more I'm brave enough to sleep with the hallway light off I'm not scared it's not scary The dark should be afraid of me [Matthews] When I get scared I shout And clap my hands to freak the darkness out When I get scared I roar And stamp my feet to show the dark what for And sometimes I like to whistle [Whistling] Let's sing it together Simon [Panrucker] Sure [Both] We're not afraid of the dark no more We're brave enough to sleep with the hallway light off We're not scared, enough's enough The dark should be afraid of us
4.
5.

about

Music from PANRUCKER'S PARTYTIME - SCARY EDITION. Watch the full live show here:

youtu.be/0YxtbimpieU

credits

released October 31, 2013

Vampires co-written with Carl Peck.

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Simon Panrucker Bristol, UK

When not writing songs for Cartoon Network's Clarence, Simon explodes novelty rap and turbo pop from his funglands for the absolute pleasure or total dismay of all and sundry.

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